Where is my mind?????

I haven't written much in a while.. but this song explains everything about me right now.. Its been playing in loop on my phone for a week now... Trippy and how.. 


Here's the link
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OaeM_oUtJYo&feature=related


Here are the lyrics-
With your feet in the air
And your head on the ground
Try this trick
Spin it
Yeah

Your head will collapse
But there's nothing in
But you ask yourself
Where is my mind?
Where is my mind?
Where is my mind?

I was swimming in the Caribbean
Animals were hiding behind the rocks
Except a little fish, but they told me
He swears he was trying to talk to me, to me

Where is my mind?
Where is my mind?
Where is my mind?

Way out in the water
See it swimming
Where is my mind?

Way out in the water
See it swimming
Where is my mind?
Where is my mind?
Where is my mind?

With your feet the air
And your head on the ground
Try this trick
Spin it
Yeah

Those were the best days of my life......

when mornings still meant mornings

as in waking up with the rising sun

when mom made smiling sandwiches

which made breakfast super fun

when exercise meant running to the bus stop

and then finishing homework on the way to school

when not wearing a uniform on birthdays

was a highlight and considered uber cool

when morning assembly seemed like a task

and you tried your best to skip it, faking sickness

when you tried to spot your favourite teacher

and with your friends, in detail discussed her dress

when last benchers were always the trouble makers

and the front benchers were shunned as a ‘teacher’s pet’

when you had silly water fights with the pesky boy

and thought that’s the only way he could get you wet J

when you stole glances at the cutie in class

and wrote paper chits across benches to your friend

when you didn’t hear a word and sat through boring periods

hoping that before you die they would end

when being loved back meant he would look back at you too

and if he spoke to you, it was like added bonus

when friends meant the whole wide world to you

and for all their faults, you would take equal onus

when the only success you knew was scoring well in exams

and beating the rival ‘HOUSE’ in the annual sports meet

when the famous five rupee canteen samosa with a coke

was considered as the best possible victory Treat

when looking good was all about a crisp white shirt and polished shiny shoes

and on that wearing a ‘CAPTAIN’ badge made you totally stand out

when you felt super guilty, embarrassed and hurt

if a teacher got annoyed and in front of the class, on you they did shout

when lunch always meant going home to eat with family

and mom enquiring all about your day

when you told mom all the little little details

just avoiding the boy talk and the study talk in every possible way

when you looked forward to 5pm every evening

to go out on your cycle with the ‘colony’ friends to play

when you begged mom to let you stay out a little bit longer

but she just wouldn’t, because the rule said -‘No late nights on a regular week day’

 

when every time that good old landline rang

who the call was for was an unanswered mystery

when you suddenly jumped up from dinner and ran after dad said

“it’s your friend; he wants to know what he missed in class in History”

When phone calls were monitored by parents

and a day out with friends meant supervised movie and lunch

when you believed that everyone is good and trustworthy

and that’s why your best friend was not one, but a huge bunch.

When watching television was a luxury

and your only source of entertainment was fighting with the sibling

when you still believed in organising and being meticulous

and for the next morning, set out each and everything thing.

When going to bed was peaceful and stress-free

and mom came and tucked you in with a loving caring peck

when no negative thoughts lingered as you shut your eyes

and life hadn’t made you into this wreck

somehow in the race of growing up

we all switch from our initial track

in a never ending quest for success and happiness

on life we almost declare an attack

we lose all those lovely days of peace

and their innocence is what our life then starts to lack

I guess they were always right when they said

“Cherish every moment of this, school days never ever come back”

 

..

I sit next to my tungsten lamp
And wonder why I can't say it aloud no more,
That I have started locking up my feelings
And am throwing away the key to that door.

So many have lent me a willing ear
Over the past few years
But now it's tough letting them inside the door
Maybe cuz that ship has hit it's shore.

Everyone has disembarked from that ship
And wandered to their own destination
To the unconditional never ending journey with me
They have submitted their resignation.

As I ponder, I set my eyes upon you
Calling out to me
Encouraging me to let it all out
To cry, to crib, to laugh, to shout.

I started confiding in you
And I am doing that right now
You are my 'bestest' friend ever
And for that you must take a bow.

To you my new found friend
I owe all my remaining sanity
You let me rip my heart open and rant
And always guided me to clarity.

I run into your arms
Everytime I am starting to sink
You force me to try and survive
And i slowly float to the brink.

I may not be a poet
I may not be a writer 
But with every word of confiding in you
You make a strong fighter.

The words just flow out of my head
And it's great that you are always listening
That you always absorb all that I want to say
Every detail and every small little thing..

Just sitting with you in my room
Swaying to my favorite tunes
With a stick in my hand that I light
Life just seems to be perfectly all right.

I have rediscovered you
And of that I am oh so glad
You keep inside you my whole wide world
Even though to the whole wide world
You are just a pen a notepad.

Requiem for a dream

She is sitting in the corner
all timid and full of fear
wondering how she got inside this cave
when just yesterday she was far away from here

She was running freely just days ago
under the open skies and green grass
chasing what she had set out for
but destiny had chosen a different path- Alas!

She tries to escape from the dark caves
but finds herself bruised and in pain
tries to remember what hurt her 
whilst all consciousness she tries to regain

She recollects her journey to a few days back
and remembers the path she took
she was headed straight to her destination
But got distracted by a handsome lad
as deep into his eyes she did look.

Love at first sight had struck her
and she had forgotten what she had set out for
She locked her fingers into his
and with him a new path she started to explore.

And then they reached a dead end
with a cliff that was dangerous and high
He looked at her, held her hand and said
" to be forever for eternity darling, we have to die'

With only true love on her mind
she took the plunge and jumped down
He just stood in all stillness
and looked at her fall and drown.

He hadn't loved her
He hadn't understood her
And of that the drowning girl was sure
but she has given him her life and a whole lot more.

She wanted to survive 
and swam her way to the depressing dark cave
Lay down on a rock so solid
and realized that this could have been her grave.

But here she was today
crawling out of the failure and defeat
Swearing to the sweet lord above
that now reaching her destination will be her only feat.

So she managed to step out 
and run again under the open sky
starts off upon her journey again 
bidding ever bad thought 'good bye'

She is not human
but merely my dream personified 
But if I ever had lost her
with her I too would have died.

We start chasing the light at the end of the tunnel 
because at us we can see it brightly gleam
We aren't going to give up so easily ever 
for I will never chant 'the requiem for a dream' !

.. And she will be healed...

She stood there hurt, shocked and still
With the wind whipping behind her
The biting stench of regret and pain
Were the only company for her

Regret looked at her mockingly
While pain stood right behind
And they both laughed and prodded her
In a cruel pantomime.

Her eyes were faint and moist
Her strength was failing her
Her heart could not bear the pain
That her companions were causing her

Then out of nowhere she saw
She saw a light from the corner of her eye,
He was walking towards her
And she smiled and heaved a relieved sigh.

He had come! He had come at last,
To heal and set her free.
He was the one who could save her
From getting buried under her memories' debris.

They held hands and walked together
And her only company now was him alone.
All the pain and and regret
Were now as good as unknown.

She was starting to feel love again
And her love would be returned she believed
From now on and forever more
She would be completely healed..

Suddenly the whipping wind shook her up
And she opened her moist eyes
Hurt and regret stood right besides her
Continuing their evil pantomime
Its then that she realised..
That him healing her was just a string of lies.

The funeral of love!

On a rainy evening she stands alone at the graveyard,
Stares at the coffin and slowly kneels down
The rain is her only companion she realizes
Cuz when she looks up, there is no one around.

She is dressed in black and looks pretty,
Even as the streams of tears accompany the rain drops down her cheeks
Then she suddenly notices the withering flowers on the coffin,
And it hits her, that she has been mourning for weeks.

Flashes of memories good bad and ugly,
Start attacking her disillusional mind,
And she asks herself whether she went too ahead,
Or whether she got left far behind.

In this moment, she wishes he was by her side,
Keeping his promise, of being with her through this madness of a ride.

She stares with blurry eyes at the black box,
Which is being lowered into the ground,
But her gaze starts to wander,
Hoping and praying that he is somewhere around.

Alas! She is but alone at this funeral,
Weeping with mourning gods of rain,
Letting them wash away all the grief,
And brace her in this moment of unbearable pain.

It's time for her to let go,
And she hesitates to say the final goodbye,
She can't do it, she runs away,
Screaming aloud -' how how how could I let the want for love die!!'

The prefect sunset in Goa

Baga Beach

First Goan Meal!

King Fish with Fries and Salad and King's Beer

Goa...

A beam of light through the linen white

Oh! Wake up my lovely and break into a smile.

The quaint courtyard is calling out to you

Go on dear! Enjoy having nothing to do.

Nature has laid out for you a lovely walkway,

Oh lady! Go talk to the trees, the birds and the bees and start your day.

The soft sand awaits you with it's welcoming warmth,

Run & play with it, cuz that's what the kid in you wants.

Oh look! The infinite water is gazing at you,

Go on, leap in, drown the fear into the blue.

Just lie down there,

Stare longingly at the sea

Look at the sand kissing your feet

The bright sun pecking your cheeks

While you soak in the heat.

Everything around you is loving you

And wanting you to just smile..

Yet it seems a thought creeps into your head

Every little while.

I am only thinking to myself,

If it is all so perfect... Why am I still feeling the void!

The unspoken words…

* Her phone rings *

….Its him…It’s been a LONG time…She thinks…Anxiety creeps in…Voices from last conversations scream in her head…They echo… she stares at her phone screen…it’s his name.. Still saved as what she called him back then…

…Should she... Shouldn’t she...should she…shouldn’t she…

*Click*

She says = “Hello”

(Please don’t hang up! Please say something)

*silence*

(please talk!)

He says – “Hi”

(Oh my god! You really answered)

She says- “Umm hi”

(You spoke! It’s so nice to hear your voice)

*pause...pause…pause*

He says- “Are you busy?”

(Are you with someone right now?)

She says- “Not at all, just listening to some music and writing”

(No you fool! I was thinking about you and wondering how it went so wrong, that’s when I write)

He says –“Oh ok... So how are you?”

(Thank god! She isn’t with him…I want to know everything you have been doing all these months)

She Says – “Been getting along fine... You?”

(Haven’t been this miserable ever, I miss you so much, but I don’t want you to ever know that)

He says – “Never been better”

(I miss you too, I think of you, and it hurts, but I decide to keep living. I wish I didn’t)

She says – “Oh nice! So what made you call?”

*silence*

(Please please please tell me that you want it to be fine between us again)

He says – “Just generally”

(I want to tell you everything about my life that you have missed, I want to talk)

She says – “I know you well enough, so is it good news or bad news, it has to be one of them”

(I have loved you so long, that I have been a part of you to know it well enough why you called)

He says- “Good news”

(Good Lord! That’s why I loved her so much; she is like a part of me)

She says- “Wow, tell me”

(This feels so good in my heart that I still know why you do what you do)

He says – “I am going to be a Mamu”

(Couldn’t wait to share this with you)

She says – “Awesome, congratulations to you and didi”

(I wish I could come right there and give you the biggest hugest hug in the world and not let go)

He says- “Thanks!”

(Should I ask her? Should I bring it up)

*pause…pause*

He says- “So how is it going with ‘him’?”

(I can’t help but bring up the past cuz it hurts me so very much)

She says – “ummm…I don’t talk to him anymore”

(You just had to ruin this lovely uncomplicated moment.. didn’t you)

He says- “What! You don’t talk to him! You left me for him”

(Holy Fuck... Am I grateful that she isn’t with him or that she left me for someone that she didn’t even love)

She says- “I didn’t leave you for him, you and I weren’t even together”

(God damn it, I asked you to be mine forever and ever and you said we’ll talk about it later... and I knew that later would never come)

He says – “Fuck you! You are not the person I knew”

(It hurts that a part of me still loves you and misses you)

She says- “Please let’s not get into this again, we just started with a nice conversation after so many months”

(God damn it, we will never be ok, we will never talk normally. Please let me cherish the little bit of it that just happened)

He says – “I should get going now”

(I want to say, see you soon, but I can’t ever see you ‘cuz you hurt me so much that I almost died)

She says- “No! Don’t end it like this!”

(For crying out loud! I loved you for 7 years... I still freaking do. It wasn’t meant to hurt you. I thought you didn’t love me anymore)

He says – “End it! It was over long back”

(Why! Why did you hurt me so much that I have to learn to live without a part of myself?)

She says – “Maybe you should hang up, take care”

(I wish I could call you back, I wish we could talk. I wish we were us, I wish you gave me a chance to talk and tell you why)

*silence*

He says –“Bye”

(This is the hardest thing to do. But I don’t want you to know that I am still hurting and that I still love you)

*silence*

She says – “Bye”

(Hang up before I say I still love you)

*silence…more silence*

…and then…

*click*

* She looks at the phone... It’s all blurry... And she slowly drowns it in her salty drops of pain… *