I sit next to my tungsten lamp
And wonder why I can't say it aloud no more,
That I have started locking up my feelings
And am throwing away the key to that door.
So many have lent me a willing ear
Over the past few years
But now it's tough letting them inside the door
Maybe cuz that ship has hit it's shore.
Everyone has disembarked from that ship
And wandered to their own destination
To the unconditional never ending journey with me
They have submitted their resignation.
As I ponder, I set my eyes upon you
Calling out to me
Encouraging me to let it all out
To cry, to crib, to laugh, to shout.
I started confiding in you
And I am doing that right now
You are my 'bestest' friend ever
And for that you must take a bow.
To you my new found friend
I owe all my remaining sanity
You let me rip my heart open and rant
And always guided me to clarity.
I run into your arms
Everytime I am starting to sink
You force me to try and survive
And i slowly float to the brink.
I may not be a poet
I may not be a writer
But with every word of confiding in you
You make a strong fighter.
The words just flow out of my head
And it's great that you are always listening
That you always absorb all that I want to say
Every detail and every small little thing..
Just sitting with you in my room
Swaying to my favorite tunes
With a stick in my hand that I light
Life just seems to be perfectly all right.
I have rediscovered you
And of that I am oh so glad
You keep inside you my whole wide world
Even though to the whole wide world
You are just a pen a notepad.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Requiem for a dream
She is sitting in the corner
all timid and full of fear
wondering how she got inside this cave
when just yesterday she was far away from here
She was running freely just days ago
under the open skies and green grass
chasing what she had set out for
but destiny had chosen a different path- Alas!
She tries to escape from the dark caves
but finds herself bruised and in pain
tries to remember what hurt her
whilst all consciousness she tries to regain
She recollects her journey to a few days back
and remembers the path she took
she was headed straight to her destination
But got distracted by a handsome lad
as deep into his eyes she did look.
Love at first sight had struck her
and she had forgotten what she had set out for
She locked her fingers into his
and with him a new path she started to explore.
And then they reached a dead end
with a cliff that was dangerous and high
He looked at her, held her hand and said
" to be forever for eternity darling, we have to die'
With only true love on her mind
she took the plunge and jumped down
He just stood in all stillness
and looked at her fall and drown.
He hadn't loved her
He hadn't understood her
And of that the drowning girl was sure
but she has given him her life and a whole lot more.
She wanted to survive
and swam her way to the depressing dark cave
Lay down on a rock so solid
and realized that this could have been her grave.
But here she was today
crawling out of the failure and defeat
Swearing to the sweet lord above
that now reaching her destination will be her only feat.
So she managed to step out
and run again under the open sky
starts off upon her journey again
bidding ever bad thought 'good bye'
She is not human
but merely my dream personified
But if I ever had lost her
with her I too would have died.
We start chasing the light at the end of the tunnel
because at us we can see it brightly gleam
We aren't going to give up so easily ever
for I will never chant 'the requiem for a dream' !
all timid and full of fear
wondering how she got inside this cave
when just yesterday she was far away from here
She was running freely just days ago
under the open skies and green grass
chasing what she had set out for
but destiny had chosen a different path- Alas!
She tries to escape from the dark caves
but finds herself bruised and in pain
tries to remember what hurt her
whilst all consciousness she tries to regain
She recollects her journey to a few days back
and remembers the path she took
she was headed straight to her destination
But got distracted by a handsome lad
as deep into his eyes she did look.
Love at first sight had struck her
and she had forgotten what she had set out for
She locked her fingers into his
and with him a new path she started to explore.
And then they reached a dead end
with a cliff that was dangerous and high
He looked at her, held her hand and said
" to be forever for eternity darling, we have to die'
With only true love on her mind
she took the plunge and jumped down
He just stood in all stillness
and looked at her fall and drown.
He hadn't loved her
He hadn't understood her
And of that the drowning girl was sure
but she has given him her life and a whole lot more.
She wanted to survive
and swam her way to the depressing dark cave
Lay down on a rock so solid
and realized that this could have been her grave.
But here she was today
crawling out of the failure and defeat
Swearing to the sweet lord above
that now reaching her destination will be her only feat.
So she managed to step out
and run again under the open sky
starts off upon her journey again
bidding ever bad thought 'good bye'
She is not human
but merely my dream personified
But if I ever had lost her
with her I too would have died.
We start chasing the light at the end of the tunnel
because at us we can see it brightly gleam
We aren't going to give up so easily ever
for I will never chant 'the requiem for a dream' !
.. And she will be healed...
She stood there hurt, shocked and still
With the wind whipping behind her
The biting stench of regret and pain
Were the only company for her
Regret looked at her mockingly
While pain stood right behind
And they both laughed and prodded her
In a cruel pantomime.
Her eyes were faint and moist
Her strength was failing her
Her heart could not bear the pain
That her companions were causing her
Then out of nowhere she saw
She saw a light from the corner of her eye,
He was walking towards her
And she smiled and heaved a relieved sigh.
He had come! He had come at last,
To heal and set her free.
He was the one who could save her
From getting buried under her memories' debris.
They held hands and walked together
And her only company now was him alone.
All the pain and and regret
Were now as good as unknown.
She was starting to feel love again
And her love would be returned she believed
From now on and forever more
She would be completely healed..
Suddenly the whipping wind shook her up
And she opened her moist eyes
Hurt and regret stood right besides her
Continuing their evil pantomime
Its then that she realised..
That him healing her was just a string of lies.
With the wind whipping behind her
The biting stench of regret and pain
Were the only company for her
Regret looked at her mockingly
While pain stood right behind
And they both laughed and prodded her
In a cruel pantomime.
Her eyes were faint and moist
Her strength was failing her
Her heart could not bear the pain
That her companions were causing her
Then out of nowhere she saw
She saw a light from the corner of her eye,
He was walking towards her
And she smiled and heaved a relieved sigh.
He had come! He had come at last,
To heal and set her free.
He was the one who could save her
From getting buried under her memories' debris.
They held hands and walked together
And her only company now was him alone.
All the pain and and regret
Were now as good as unknown.
She was starting to feel love again
And her love would be returned she believed
From now on and forever more
She would be completely healed..
Suddenly the whipping wind shook her up
And she opened her moist eyes
Hurt and regret stood right besides her
Continuing their evil pantomime
Its then that she realised..
That him healing her was just a string of lies.
Friday, November 19, 2010
The funeral of love!
On a rainy evening she stands alone at the graveyard,
Stares at the coffin and slowly kneels down
The rain is her only companion she realizes
Cuz when she looks up, there is no one around.
She is dressed in black and looks pretty,
Even as the streams of tears accompany the rain drops down her cheeks
Then she suddenly notices the withering flowers on the coffin,
And it hits her, that she has been mourning for weeks.
Flashes of memories good bad and ugly,
Start attacking her disillusional mind,
And she asks herself whether she went too ahead,
Or whether she got left far behind.
In this moment, she wishes he was by her side,
Keeping his promise, of being with her through this madness of a ride.
She stares with blurry eyes at the black box,
Which is being lowered into the ground,
But her gaze starts to wander,
Hoping and praying that he is somewhere around.
Alas! She is but alone at this funeral,
Weeping with mourning gods of rain,
Letting them wash away all the grief,
And brace her in this moment of unbearable pain.
It's time for her to let go,
And she hesitates to say the final goodbye,
She can't do it, she runs away,
Screaming aloud -' how how how could I let the want for love die!!'
Stares at the coffin and slowly kneels down
The rain is her only companion she realizes
Cuz when she looks up, there is no one around.
She is dressed in black and looks pretty,
Even as the streams of tears accompany the rain drops down her cheeks
Then she suddenly notices the withering flowers on the coffin,
And it hits her, that she has been mourning for weeks.
Flashes of memories good bad and ugly,
Start attacking her disillusional mind,
And she asks herself whether she went too ahead,
Or whether she got left far behind.
In this moment, she wishes he was by her side,
Keeping his promise, of being with her through this madness of a ride.
She stares with blurry eyes at the black box,
Which is being lowered into the ground,
But her gaze starts to wander,
Hoping and praying that he is somewhere around.
Alas! She is but alone at this funeral,
Weeping with mourning gods of rain,
Letting them wash away all the grief,
And brace her in this moment of unbearable pain.
It's time for her to let go,
And she hesitates to say the final goodbye,
She can't do it, she runs away,
Screaming aloud -' how how how could I let the want for love die!!'
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Goa...
A beam of light through the linen white
Oh! Wake up my lovely and break into a smile.
The quaint courtyard is calling out to you
Go on dear! Enjoy having nothing to do.
Nature has laid out for you a lovely walkway,
Oh lady! Go talk to the trees, the birds and the bees and start your day.
The soft sand awaits you with it's welcoming warmth,
Run & play with it, cuz that's what the kid in you wants.
Oh look! The infinite water is gazing at you,
Go on, leap in, drown the fear into the blue.
Just lie down there,
Stare longingly at the sea
Look at the sand kissing your feet
The bright sun pecking your cheeks
While you soak in the heat.
Everything around you is loving you
And wanting you to just smile..
Yet it seems a thought creeps into your head
Every little while.
I am only thinking to myself,
If it is all so perfect... Why am I still feeling the void!
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
The unspoken words…
* Her phone rings *
….Its him…It’s been a LONG time…She thinks…Anxiety creeps in…Voices from last conversations scream in her head…They echo… she stares at her phone screen…it’s his name.. Still saved as what she called him back then…
…Should she... Shouldn’t she...should she…shouldn’t she…
*Click*
She says = “Hello”
(Please don’t hang up! Please say something)
*silence*
(please talk!)
He says – “Hi”
(Oh my god! You really answered)
She says- “Umm hi”
(You spoke! It’s so nice to hear your voice)
*pause...pause…pause*
He says- “Are you busy?”
(Are you with someone right now?)
She says- “Not at all, just listening to some music and writing”
(No you fool! I was thinking about you and wondering how it went so wrong, that’s when I write)
He says –“Oh ok... So how are you?”
(Thank god! She isn’t with him…I want to know everything you have been doing all these months)
She Says – “Been getting along fine... You?”
(Haven’t been this miserable ever, I miss you so much, but I don’t want you to ever know that)
He says – “Never been better”
(I miss you too, I think of you, and it hurts, but I decide to keep living. I wish I didn’t)
She says – “Oh nice! So what made you call?”
*silence*
(Please please please tell me that you want it to be fine between us again)
He says – “Just generally”
(I want to tell you everything about my life that you have missed, I want to talk)
She says – “I know you well enough, so is it good news or bad news, it has to be one of them”
(I have loved you so long, that I have been a part of you to know it well enough why you called)
He says- “Good news”
(Good Lord! That’s why I loved her so much; she is like a part of me)
She says- “Wow, tell me”
(This feels so good in my heart that I still know why you do what you do)
He says – “I am going to be a Mamu”
(Couldn’t wait to share this with you)
She says – “Awesome, congratulations to you and didi”
(I wish I could come right there and give you the biggest hugest hug in the world and not let go)
He says- “Thanks!”
(Should I ask her? Should I bring it up)
*pause…pause*
He says- “So how is it going with ‘him’?”
(I can’t help but bring up the past cuz it hurts me so very much)
She says – “ummm…I don’t talk to him anymore”
(You just had to ruin this lovely uncomplicated moment.. didn’t you)
He says- “What! You don’t talk to him! You left me for him”
(Holy Fuck... Am I grateful that she isn’t with him or that she left me for someone that she didn’t even love)
She says- “I didn’t leave you for him, you and I weren’t even together”
(God damn it, I asked you to be mine forever and ever and you said we’ll talk about it later... and I knew that later would never come)
He says – “Fuck you! You are not the person I knew”
(It hurts that a part of me still loves you and misses you)
She says- “Please let’s not get into this again, we just started with a nice conversation after so many months”
(God damn it, we will never be ok, we will never talk normally. Please let me cherish the little bit of it that just happened)
He says – “I should get going now”
(I want to say, see you soon, but I can’t ever see you ‘cuz you hurt me so much that I almost died)
She says- “No! Don’t end it like this!”
(For crying out loud! I loved you for 7 years... I still freaking do. It wasn’t meant to hurt you. I thought you didn’t love me anymore)
He says – “End it! It was over long back”
(Why! Why did you hurt me so much that I have to learn to live without a part of myself?)
She says – “Maybe you should hang up, take care”
(I wish I could call you back, I wish we could talk. I wish we were us, I wish you gave me a chance to talk and tell you why)
*silence*
He says –“Bye”
(This is the hardest thing to do. But I don’t want you to know that I am still hurting and that I still love you)
*silence*
She says – “Bye”
(Hang up before I say I still love you)
*silence…more silence*
…and then…
*click*
* She looks at the phone... It’s all blurry... And she slowly drowns it in her salty drops of pain… *
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
The crimson sea..
In the crimson sea
They float and scatter
The world mocks at them
But to them it doesn’t matter
The sea monsters roar at them
And smash them against those dark gigantic rocks
They wonder what swayed them this way
when they had woken up to a bright sun shining day
It was that flash of lightening
That had started it all
When everyone else escaped and rushed in to shade
They decided to face the thunder and its blades
If only they had gone along
And not ventured on the path less travelled
They would have been still glued together
Instead of being totally disheveled
But that one spark of lightening
Didn’t spare them and let go
It bounced them right into that crimson sea
In which they at this moment flow.
Maybe they need something to keep them together
Cuz They are losing each other as they go along
Maybe they need some strength.. Some warmth
Or maybe someone to sing them that lingering love song..
The crimson sea currents gush down really hard
Hit them all.. And they all just drown apart
Oh! It hurts to see them floating away
The many little pieces of my broken heart!
They float and scatter
The world mocks at them
But to them it doesn’t matter
The sea monsters roar at them
And smash them against those dark gigantic rocks
They wonder what swayed them this way
when they had woken up to a bright sun shining day
It was that flash of lightening
That had started it all
When everyone else escaped and rushed in to shade
They decided to face the thunder and its blades
If only they had gone along
And not ventured on the path less travelled
They would have been still glued together
Instead of being totally disheveled
But that one spark of lightening
Didn’t spare them and let go
It bounced them right into that crimson sea
In which they at this moment flow.
Maybe they need something to keep them together
Cuz They are losing each other as they go along
Maybe they need some strength.. Some warmth
Or maybe someone to sing them that lingering love song..
The crimson sea currents gush down really hard
Hit them all.. And they all just drown apart
Oh! It hurts to see them floating away
The many little pieces of my broken heart!
Thursday, June 3, 2010
....
Its dark..
I can see No light..
my heart can feel the fear
even though its already been here.
I am navigating through haunted lanes
and I see 'them' watching me
ready to play hide and seek through my veins..
Run ! Run! I scream aloud
I hear the frightening thunder
and I look up only to see the dark clouds
Hide! Hide!
Again the voices in my head scream
I cocoon myself in a dingy corner
wishing this nightmare was a dream
But they seek me in my bunker
and rejoice in their victory
as I silently succumb and surrender
Memories of attempted escapes come back
everytime I jumped the wall to flee
they got me, followed my track.
They laugh their wicked laugh
and I can feel my ascending rage
I can't handle this no more
that my life is just a bird in their cage
I fear them
I loathe them
They petrify me
They burn a hole through my heart
They take me back to the start
They make me cry
Sometimes, they even make me want to die.
How I hope, this is just a nightmare
and only till my eyes open it will last
Maybe I will never jump the wall..
and run away..
From 'The Ghosts of My Past!'
I can see No light..
my heart can feel the fear
even though its already been here.
I am navigating through haunted lanes
and I see 'them' watching me
ready to play hide and seek through my veins..
Run ! Run! I scream aloud
I hear the frightening thunder
and I look up only to see the dark clouds
Hide! Hide!
Again the voices in my head scream
I cocoon myself in a dingy corner
wishing this nightmare was a dream
But they seek me in my bunker
and rejoice in their victory
as I silently succumb and surrender
Memories of attempted escapes come back
everytime I jumped the wall to flee
they got me, followed my track.
They laugh their wicked laugh
and I can feel my ascending rage
I can't handle this no more
that my life is just a bird in their cage
I fear them
I loathe them
They petrify me
They burn a hole through my heart
They take me back to the start
They make me cry
Sometimes, they even make me want to die.
How I hope, this is just a nightmare
and only till my eyes open it will last
Maybe I will never jump the wall..
and run away..
From 'The Ghosts of My Past!'
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)