First Goan Meal!

King Fish with Fries and Salad and King's Beer

Goa...

A beam of light through the linen white

Oh! Wake up my lovely and break into a smile.

The quaint courtyard is calling out to you

Go on dear! Enjoy having nothing to do.

Nature has laid out for you a lovely walkway,

Oh lady! Go talk to the trees, the birds and the bees and start your day.

The soft sand awaits you with it's welcoming warmth,

Run & play with it, cuz that's what the kid in you wants.

Oh look! The infinite water is gazing at you,

Go on, leap in, drown the fear into the blue.

Just lie down there,

Stare longingly at the sea

Look at the sand kissing your feet

The bright sun pecking your cheeks

While you soak in the heat.

Everything around you is loving you

And wanting you to just smile..

Yet it seems a thought creeps into your head

Every little while.

I am only thinking to myself,

If it is all so perfect... Why am I still feeling the void!

The unspoken words…

* Her phone rings *

….Its him…It’s been a LONG time…She thinks…Anxiety creeps in…Voices from last conversations scream in her head…They echo… she stares at her phone screen…it’s his name.. Still saved as what she called him back then…

…Should she... Shouldn’t she...should she…shouldn’t she…

*Click*

She says = “Hello”

(Please don’t hang up! Please say something)

*silence*

(please talk!)

He says – “Hi”

(Oh my god! You really answered)

She says- “Umm hi”

(You spoke! It’s so nice to hear your voice)

*pause...pause…pause*

He says- “Are you busy?”

(Are you with someone right now?)

She says- “Not at all, just listening to some music and writing”

(No you fool! I was thinking about you and wondering how it went so wrong, that’s when I write)

He says –“Oh ok... So how are you?”

(Thank god! She isn’t with him…I want to know everything you have been doing all these months)

She Says – “Been getting along fine... You?”

(Haven’t been this miserable ever, I miss you so much, but I don’t want you to ever know that)

He says – “Never been better”

(I miss you too, I think of you, and it hurts, but I decide to keep living. I wish I didn’t)

She says – “Oh nice! So what made you call?”

*silence*

(Please please please tell me that you want it to be fine between us again)

He says – “Just generally”

(I want to tell you everything about my life that you have missed, I want to talk)

She says – “I know you well enough, so is it good news or bad news, it has to be one of them”

(I have loved you so long, that I have been a part of you to know it well enough why you called)

He says- “Good news”

(Good Lord! That’s why I loved her so much; she is like a part of me)

She says- “Wow, tell me”

(This feels so good in my heart that I still know why you do what you do)

He says – “I am going to be a Mamu”

(Couldn’t wait to share this with you)

She says – “Awesome, congratulations to you and didi”

(I wish I could come right there and give you the biggest hugest hug in the world and not let go)

He says- “Thanks!”

(Should I ask her? Should I bring it up)

*pause…pause*

He says- “So how is it going with ‘him’?”

(I can’t help but bring up the past cuz it hurts me so very much)

She says – “ummm…I don’t talk to him anymore”

(You just had to ruin this lovely uncomplicated moment.. didn’t you)

He says- “What! You don’t talk to him! You left me for him”

(Holy Fuck... Am I grateful that she isn’t with him or that she left me for someone that she didn’t even love)

She says- “I didn’t leave you for him, you and I weren’t even together”

(God damn it, I asked you to be mine forever and ever and you said we’ll talk about it later... and I knew that later would never come)

He says – “Fuck you! You are not the person I knew”

(It hurts that a part of me still loves you and misses you)

She says- “Please let’s not get into this again, we just started with a nice conversation after so many months”

(God damn it, we will never be ok, we will never talk normally. Please let me cherish the little bit of it that just happened)

He says – “I should get going now”

(I want to say, see you soon, but I can’t ever see you ‘cuz you hurt me so much that I almost died)

She says- “No! Don’t end it like this!”

(For crying out loud! I loved you for 7 years... I still freaking do. It wasn’t meant to hurt you. I thought you didn’t love me anymore)

He says – “End it! It was over long back”

(Why! Why did you hurt me so much that I have to learn to live without a part of myself?)

She says – “Maybe you should hang up, take care”

(I wish I could call you back, I wish we could talk. I wish we were us, I wish you gave me a chance to talk and tell you why)

*silence*

He says –“Bye”

(This is the hardest thing to do. But I don’t want you to know that I am still hurting and that I still love you)

*silence*

She says – “Bye”

(Hang up before I say I still love you)

*silence…more silence*

…and then…

*click*

* She looks at the phone... It’s all blurry... And she slowly drowns it in her salty drops of pain… *

The crimson sea..

In the crimson sea
They float and scatter
The world mocks at them
But to them it doesn’t matter
The sea monsters roar at them
And smash them against those dark gigantic rocks
They wonder what swayed them this way
when they had woken up to a bright sun shining day
It was that flash of lightening
That had started it all
When everyone else escaped and rushed in to shade
They decided to face the thunder and its blades
If only they had gone along
And not ventured on the path less travelled
They would have been still glued together
Instead of being totally disheveled
But that one spark of lightening
Didn’t spare them and let go
It bounced them right into that crimson sea
In which they at this moment flow.
Maybe they need something to keep them together
Cuz They are losing each other as they go along
Maybe they need some strength.. Some warmth
Or maybe someone to sing them that lingering love song..
The crimson sea currents gush down really hard
Hit them all.. And they all just drown apart
Oh! It hurts to see them floating away
The many little pieces of my broken heart!

....

Its dark..
I can see No light..
my heart can feel the fear
even though its already been here.

I am navigating through haunted lanes
and I see 'them' watching me
ready to play hide and seek through my veins..

Run ! Run! I scream aloud
I hear the frightening thunder
and I look up only to see the dark clouds

Hide! Hide!
Again the voices in my head scream
I cocoon myself in a dingy corner
wishing this nightmare was a dream

But they seek me in my bunker
and rejoice in their victory
as I silently succumb and surrender

Memories of attempted escapes come back
everytime I jumped the wall to flee
they got me, followed my track.

They laugh their wicked laugh
and I can feel my ascending rage
I can't handle this no more
that my life is just a bird in their cage

I fear them
I loathe them
They petrify me
They burn a hole through my heart
They take me back to the start
They make me cry
Sometimes, they even make me want to die.

How I hope, this is just a nightmare
and only till my eyes open it will last
Maybe I will never jump the wall..
and run away..
From 'The Ghosts of My Past!'

Orgasmic Music!! :)

With all due respect and admiration for the music maestros.. I shall say no more than what the title says about their performance..

Ustad Zakir Hussain , Sivamani , Taufiq Qureshi, Gino Banks, Louis Banks, Niladri Kumar , Shankar Mahadevan - ALL LIVE ON ONE STAGE!!n The snap has only two of them though :(

By far the Best I have witnessed in my lifetime :)

Hard Rock Cafe - 10.dec.08

Drop the Idea !!

Lots of awesome memories , cherised moments ,a couple of heart breaks and a few disappointments down  doesn’t stop the light in my heart to still burn for true love…So here is a little something I penned down.. (Inspired a little by something I read sometime back)

Drop the idea that Love justifies expectations

They are enemies . It is expectations that Destroy all love.

If you expect , then you love with a selfish motive

If you Love with all you got, then expect nothing back - its unrequited love

They are not one, one kills the other when it overtakes.

Drop the idea that attachment and love are one thing.

They are enemies. It is attachment that destroys all love.

If you feed and nourish attachment, love will be destroyed;

If you feed and nourish love, attachment will fall away by itself.

They are not one; they are two separate entities, and antagonistic to each other

Drop the idea that love leads to heartbreak

They are enemies. It is a heartbreak that makes you lose faith in love.

If you experience heartbreak, its not cuz your love was impure

If you love even after your heart breaks, its called True Love

They are not inter connected, hearts break ‘cuz of expectations and attachments.

... I think this is incomplete.. shall add more when I get more thoughts...

Essel world!!

A long over due trip to the FUN LAND! Essel world!! And finally we did end up going and it was awesomeeee fun!!  

06.dec.08

So who is right and who is wrong ??

I read this interesting quote which lead me to write this blog entry:

Imagine There's No Heaven,

Its Easy If You Try,

No Hell Below Us,

Above Us Only Sky.

A lot of people are either against athiests or are under the opinion atheists are stupid. Why?Is it because we question the proof of god's existence?No, its because we are going against majority.(to put it very frankly)

Some often ask me 'How can you tell god does'nt exist?Who made the world?The sky?The grass?' My standard reply is 'I don't know.' Yeah,i'll admit it. I really don't know. I don't know if the world never needed a source from where it was born. I don't know if god and his allies came up with the idea of some creatures with 2 arms and legs which walked and talked and killed and lived. I just don't know.

The point is, unlike many who are under the very idea(its ONLY an idea) that god, the omnipotent, created the world and humans, I stand to take a better and more satisfying answer for existence of this world. Proof? I get the very baseless reply that proof is FAITH.

Lets start by defining faith. According to the Oxford Dictionary faith is defined as '1.complete trust or confidence. 2.firm esp., religious belief'

So theists have complete trust and confidence and belief that there is a god who is above all, who controls how this very world works,how we walk, talk, live and die.

Trust and confidence is not at all the same as reality.Trust is just the opinion that one has on another.Reality, unfortunately, is very very different.

For eg, I'm questioned 'how do you know that a certain person cares for you?

My answer to this illogical and baseless question is: I have FAITH and TRUST in that person. But that person does have an the option of not caring at all. (It's an option,its the friend's wish to choose whether to care or not)

So thats a very simple way of stating the difference between reality and faith.

The question of god's existence is not at all in any way related to science or satanism. Its a mere doubt which can arise in a normal person at some point of time.The only difference is,some choose to be satisfied with the given answer for eg, faith, while others need more substantial proof for eg, signs of existence apart from faith, like sight.

Now another very common question asked to me when I say 'I haven;t seen God, so I dont believe in his existence'.. is 'Can you see air?You cant.But you know air exists.Similarly god also exists.'

Air may not be seen,but it has numerous other properties which a god does'nt.

I don't, by any chance, mean to sound rude or insensitive, but when one thinks with an open mind he will definitely demand solid, percievable proof that there is a supernatural power above all, and its god.

So who decides who is right and who is wrong?? Who gets the proof!!

Amma its yummaa!

I have this replusion to south Indian food.. but for all the times I said I cant stand south Indian food.. I take my words back.. 

Had the yummiest south indian thali at chutney's in Hyderabad! Thanx to the weirdo though :)..